


Hurricane

by ThunderDownOnGreenside



Category: Free!
Genre: (Abuse and violence in terms of combat and detainment), Alternate Universe, Angst and Humor, Bromance, Character Death, Coping, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Flashbacks, MikoRin, Multi, Pining, Plot Twists, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Pre-Slash, Psychological Trauma, Run-On Sentences, Sexual Content, Slash, Team Bonding, Team Dynamics, Torture, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Violence, makoharu - Freeform, reigisa - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-12-22
Updated: 2014-05-08
Packaged: 2018-01-05 11:32:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1093403
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThunderDownOnGreenside/pseuds/ThunderDownOnGreenside
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Once, joint captains Makoto and Seijuurou had prided themselves on having never lost a comrade. Six years later, too much has changed to ever look back, but that won’t stop the past from haunting them, especially not in the form of their enemy’s newest asset. Seijuurou can’t tell if it’s his overwhelming guilt that’s making him see things that aren’t there after so many years of fighting it or if this agent is actually who they seem to be, but he knows that he isn’t going to let go again. Not after what happened last time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. On Our Way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> That’s right, they’d all muse to themselves, comforting each other and doing their best to keep it together on their own, and that’s Rule #10: Your team is your family; take care of one another.

**_Prologue: On Our Way_ **

****

 

He may have thought that he knew what was coming now that he’d been authorized, but even eight full years of preparation and advanced training had not led him to expect _this_ , per se. Sure, the pamphlets had full-color pictures and guest speakers and recruitment officers had been parading through his classes for as long as he could remember, but...it’s extremely different in person. In hindsight, he really should’ve suspected such, but he’s young and his training has been very military-specific. Had he been approaching this situation from the perspective of a captain prepping his team for, let’s say, an infiltration exercise, he probably could’ve anticipated this, but again, he’s just a kid. Sometimes he forgets to always stay on top of things, so that’s **Rule #1:** If you _are_ a captain, then you’ve always got to _think_ like a captain.

 

 

Fourteen years and Seijuurou Mikoshiba still has a lot to learn about doing just that.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

He has never seen such an enormous building in his entire life. Granted, he’s only thirteen, but he’s been working towards this day ever since his siblings were born. In all his training for how to safely lead a team and take care of his comrades, he’d never thought to look into any self-prep for a situation even close to this one. Still, he’s more than ready. Even if this turns out to be nothing like he expects, he still has various reasons for pursuing his training. Most of those reasons are waiting back at home right now, safe and probably already writing letters, but one of them is standing right here next to him with such a bored expression on his face that it almost makes him laugh. **Rule #2:** Fight with an appropriate cause in mind.

 

 

Makoto Tachibana will always have a cause to keep fighting.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Standing beside his childhood friend, he comes immediately to three conclusions: this place is too big, there are too many people here, and this whole thing is starting to feel like it just might be too much effort. It’s been quite a bit of effort for all twelve years of his life, most of it all culminating together in the last half of it, but actually being here is causing him to have some doubts. Initially, it had been hard enough to be average among his less-coordinated peers as it was, and the tougher the maneuvers got, the tougher it was to seem ordinary. However, that doesn’t matter now. Despite everything, he has a promise to uphold and a best friend to look after, which just happens to cue **Rule #3:** Put the wants of yourself behind the needs of others.

 

 

Haruka Nanase wants to be free, but that needs to wait.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

He has literally fought the whole way to get here, from the storm-tossed waves in the harbor near his home to the big-ass door of this oversized facility. He’d trained with wooden darts and popguns before he was old enough to be selected, and by then he was already skilled enough to hit the bulls-eye ten times while taking evasive action and once more for good measure. The instructors had figured him too reckless to be solely captain material, but his stealth and offensive skills were off the charts, so here he is. The haircut is out of protocol, but he’s got sharp teeth for a twelve year old and he seems more than ready to go down fighting even though he just got here seven minutes ago. **Rule #4:** If you bust your ass hard enough, something has got to give.

 

 

Rin Matsuoka is not about to be the one giving anytime soon.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

With his priorities being a little skewed, the first thing he happens to notice is that the floors are so shiny that he can see his face reflected in them if he stares hard enough. That revelation alone is more than enough to excite his cheerful little soul and send his small form careening through the crowd of boys on breathless wings of honest giddiness. A couple of the others pick up on his antics, dropping their bags and traipsing after him, laughing all the while. He smiles, understanding that this may be his last true moment of freedom; that these flighted steps may be his last ones taken in innocence, but he’s more than ready to take up that challenge. He’s a firm believer in **Rule #5:** Believe in a cause, believe in a truth, believe in each other, and believe in yourself.

 

 

Nagisa Hazuki has got this whole faith thing down pretty good.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

His jacket is two sizes too big and his pack must weigh more than he does, but right now, he really doesn’t care. The scuff marks on his knees and the numerous band-aids scattered along his body betray his carelessly clumsy nature, but his face is earnest and a locket thumps against his chest in time with his heartbeat as he shucks off his bag and runs behind another boy, laughing and darting through another pair of recruits as they watch in blended amusement and befuddlement. It’s been a long time coming and now that he’s finally here after twelve years of hard work, he’s going to make the very best of it. He’s got a lot to go for, a girl back home, a dear little sister and a terrific mother, not to mention just living life to live it, being thrilled with existing among others with pure, beating hearts and honest souls and that’s **Rule #6:** Find a respectable creed and stick to it.

 

 

Touya Zakimari has always been known to stick with the things that he cares about.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

When the other two boys run by, he can’t help but drop his things and take off after them. He’s much taller, his longer legs able to cover more ground, but he paces himself, eager to stick with these newfound kindred spirits. He traces training maneuvers in their movements, little two-steps and ball-changes that betray the nature of their preparation. He’s got quite a bit under his belt as well for a thirteen year old, lots of extra time spent on firing ranges and pushing himself through harrowing obstacle courses just to get him far enough to be noticed. He’s a fighter, lean muscle packed into prematurely adolescent limbs with a mean right hook and an impeccable sense of aim. He’s worked his ass off to get here, among others, and there’s **Rule #7:** Rise to the challenge and kick the fucking shit of it.

 

 

And Keiji Yusokabe is a damn good kicker.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Analyzing the whole scene shows a distinct sense of freedom, one only reflected by the nature and pack mentality of preteen boys when placed in large groups. The various talents and specializations are apparent as he looks out across the crowd, spotting an older redhead with obvious captain training even as a group of stealth trainees dart across his line of sight. He’s honestly excited, tucked into his olive green coat and peering out at this new world from behind his brown bangs, and he’s been studying and working towards this purpose for more than half of his thirteen years. He doesn’t know how he beat out some of those other kids, but all of that specialization must have paid off. He’s thankful for **Rule #8:** Keep track of the technical things and never let a logistical error come back to bite you in the ass.

 

 

Masaya Miyazawa has always been pretty good about technicalities.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Eight boys find themselves together in their team dormitory, double sets of bunk beds flanking the entrances to the dual, separate captain’s quarters. A little blond boy has already seized the designation list from their escort and is reading the names off out loud with poorly disguised excitement.

 

 

“Hey, hey guys! Okay, which one of you is Seijuurou? Wow, you’re old!”

 

 

The tall, red-haired boy shifts uncomfortably at the sudden introduction – he’s fourteen, he’s not old – before shaking it off and coming forward with a confident smile.

 

 

“Hey there! What’s up guys?”

 

 

He gets a few enthusiastic responses, although the one dark-haired boy seems a little more focused on the blue carpet than on the actual human beings in the room, but what the hey. At least they’re talking to him. That’s more of a start than anything.

 

 

The blond kid – he introduces himself as Nagisa – points at Seijuurou and then at another boy with kind green eyes before speaking again.

 

 

“You guys are the captains!” Nagisa cheers, and though Seijuurou had expected such, the other boy clearly had not. His eyes grow wide and he nudges his strange, dark-haired friend, his expression disbelieving.

 

 

“M-Me?” he squeaks, voice gentle and uncharacteristic to his larger size.

 

 

“You’re Makoto Tachibana, right?” the blond chirps and the other nods, still uncertain. “Yup! Says so right here~ and your vice-captain is Haruka!”

 

 

The strange kid looks up at long last, blue eyes vaguely curious but still remote. He shares a look with Makoto before returning to his previous task of burning up the carpet with his half-lidded, unwavering stare.

 

 

“What about me?” Seijuurou inquires, observing the remaining boys as they laugh together at something the tallest one said, three brunets of varying shapes and sizes and a bright-eyed redhead with a sharp-toothed grin. Nagisa glances at them before referring to the list, his brow furrowing in concentration.

 

 

“...Matsuoka. Rin-Rin Matsuoka?”

 

 

The redhead sputters, face flushing dramatically, stomping forward and snatching the list out of Nagisa’s hand. He mutters furiously to himself as he feverishly scans the list, an eyebrow twitching and his mouth twisting up into a snarl when he finds his name.

 

 

“ _Rin!_ It’s just _Rin_ , can’t you _read?!_ ” he seethes, shoving the paper into Nagisa’s face. “Just Rin!”

 

 

The blond has the decency to look somewhat abashed, although he smiles brightly after only a moment of being vaguely contrite.

 

 

“I’m sorry! It kind of looks like that is all~”

 

 

Rin just makes a pained noise, his expression almost agonized as he shakes his head and sighs heavily and it’s actually kind of funny because he’s obviously been through this before. The expression is soon replaced with a different one, however, when Rin turns to peer at Seijuurou with poorly disguised curiosity. The kid doesn’t seem all that bad, really, just a little tired of the same old mistakes and more than ready to face the challenges that will soon be presented to them. It’s a little reckless, he supposes, but Seijuurou finds that he doesn’t mind. They’ve got time for that later.

 

 

The older boy grins, moving forward and extending a hand in greeting.

 

 

“So, you’re my vice-captain, huh? Nice to meet you!”

 

 

Rin gives him an appraising look for a split-second before his expression brightens with a brilliant smile of his own, baby sharp teeth showing as he takes Seijuurou’s hand.

 

 

“I guess so!” laughter echoes in his voice as he forces a mock-serious expression. “But don’t take my skills for granted! I didn’t make it all the way here just to have someone else knock me around!”

 

 

Despite the intended levity of, there’s a bold truth behind his words, and Seijuurou decides in that moment to clear things up right away. He reaches out and rests his free hand on Rin’s smaller shoulder, looking the younger boy dead in the eyes, vibrant gold into wine crimson.

 

 

“It shouldn’t be that way,” he verifies, expression solemn. “My training was better than that. I’m sure that _you’re_ better than that. But - ”

 

 

“If it ends up being that way,” Rin continues, following the captain’s line of thought.

 

 

“Don’t hesitate to take me out.” Seijuurou finishes. He’s glaring, authority rolling off of him in waves, and the whole room falls silent as all the attention is drawn towards the two redheads. “The last thing I want is to be like one of _them_. Listen to me, Matsuoka. If I turn out like that...I want you to kill me.”

 

 

It’s a heavy-handed statement and the following silence is almost oppressive, but Rin seems to understand his intentions, nodding slowly and narrowing his eyes slightly.

 

 

“I understand. And,” he adds, gesturing to himself with his free hand without breaking eye contact, “I expect you to be able to do the same thing to me if I lose it. You got that, _captain_?”

 

 

It’s a challenge. Seijuurou can see in those burning eyes that it’s a challenge and he knows now that this kid is strong, that he knows what he’s capable of, both the good and the bad. He can see the pure power of his virtue, the lurking potential of his evil, the fire inside of him – as wise as it is ignorant, innocent as it is world-weary, romantic as it is cynical – that can’t be put out. And that’s dangerous, because this kid had charisma, but he’s also unstable deep down, and now it’s suddenly up to him and these six other boys to take care of that.

 

 

So really, Rin is not only asking Seijuurou to kill him if need be, he’s also warning him that it might not be easy. That they might be friends by then. That Rin may have gotten under his skin by that point and killing him will be like ripping it off. He realizes that it might be like that for everyone – that being a team and being so close might be their greatest asset but it might also someday be their greatest downfall. Who knows? But Seijuurou is a captain now, and regardless of what pain the future may present. He’s got a decision to make.

 

 

“I promise, Rin.”

 

 

There’s a beat of silence as Rin studies him briefly, his expression unreadable, but then the younger boy breaks out into a sudden smile and lets out a delighted little laugh.

 

 

“Well then! I wanna meet everybody! Hazuki, gimme that list!”

 

 

And Rin pulls away, twisting and laughing with the other boys, slipping right into the group like he was born to be there and Seijuurou just lets himself hang back for a second and observe. This bunch is a diverse one for sure, from the oddball Haruka to the too-cheerful Touya and Nagisa to the sweetheart who’s supposed to be the other captain. Keiji and Rin seem to be hitting it off with their matching go-getter attitudes and even the quieter boy, Masaya, has found his way into the circle, laughing alongside them. To be honest, Seijuurou really, really doesn’t quite know what to make of it all. Which ones will stick with it? Which ones will crack under the pressure? Which ones – and he finds his gaze inexplicably drawn back to Rin at this – will change so completely that they lose their way entirely? If it comes to that, could he really kill any of them?

 

 

 **Rule #9** is to never make promises that you can’t keep. He really hopes that he hasn’t broken that one already.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Dinner is a comical affair, with Nagisa keeping the lot of them in stitches and even making Keiji snort his drink through his nose. It’s more than enough to absolutely crack the rest of them up despite the older boy’s embarrassed exclamations against it, although his clumsy attempts at excusing his actions only result in him knocking the drink over entirely and setting the others to dissolve even further into the throes of laughter.

 

 

Uniform distribution proves to be about the same, with Makoto’s not being big enough and Masaya’s completely swamping his slighter frame. (Upon trading, they discover that there must’ve been an error in the allocation, because Masaya’s suit fits Makoto just fine and vice-versa.) Rin takes to the mixed spandex material like he’s been living in it all his life, Nagisa gets _way_ too excited about the fact that they can customize according to their interests, and Haruka surprises and almost traumatizes all of them by immediately stripping only to reveal that he’s been wearing swim trunks underneath his clothes the whole time. _Damn_ , that kid is weird.

 

 

Someone starts a “snowball” fight in their dorm room with balled-up socks, and everybody figures out the hard way that Keiji has wicked aim, Nagisa is a sneaky little bastard, and Makoto is most definitely captain material. Touya ends up flattening Haruka when he trips over someone’s not-so-strategically placed bag, and Rin and Masaya somehow wind up in a tangled heap after attempting a corkscrew maneuver while standing right next to each other. All of their bodies literally ache with laughter and by the end of it the sock-pelting is forgotten as they all flop down to try and catch their breath.

 

 

Seijuurou is half-asleep when he hears the sniffling coming from the bunk beneath him, and despite the addled state of his brain, he rolls over to check anyway.

 

 

In the dim lighting of their separate dorm, he can see Rin curled up on his side, slinging to a small, stuffed shark and trying very hard to conceal his muffled sobs. Honestly, he’d been expecting this – first-night problems, missing families and homes, sudden changes of heart – but for some reason, he hadn’t anticipated that Rin would be one of those kids. Looking at him now, though, he can definitely feel the emotional stress practically rolling off of him in waves.

 

 

“Rin,” he hisses, and the younger boy startles, twisting under the sheets to gaze up at him with glittering, glazed eyes.

 

 

“Y-yeah?” he hiccups, sounding almost as miserable as he seems to feel. “Am I bothering you?”

 

 

“No...” as his eyes adjust, he can see his vice-captain clearer now, his smaller form wrapped up in blankets and his red hair tangled up behind his head. He seems scared and sad, and Seijuurou’s heart goes out to him. It’s always hard on the first night.

 

 

Sighing, the older boy slides off of his top bunk and drops down next to Rin, lingering uncertainly by the edge of his bed. He offers the younger a faint smile, and although Rin sniffles a bit in response, he also scoots over a bit to give Seijuurou some room beside him.

 

 

His captain plops down, feigning assurance in place of awkwardness as he reaches out and carefully brushes against Rin’s hair in an attempt to be calming. He half-expects to lose a finger over it, but instead his vice-captain leans into the cautious touch, not making eye contact but certainly not retreating.

 

 

And that’s how Seijuurou finds himself literally holding his teammate and stroking his hair as Rin cries, sporadically shushing him and trying to be comforting despite the situation. He can hear movement in the other rooms too, Makoto’s gentle voice speaking softly in his quarters and Keiji cracking a weak joke to try and soothe a faintly whimpering Nagisa in the main dorm.

 

 

It was strange, really, how these new circumstances could bring them all together like this, a bunch of pre-teen boys from all different directives and walks of life – but then again, maybe it wasn’t. They were a team now, joint-captains and vice-captains and all humans alike. They had their training and their reasons, their priorities and their battles, their faith, creeds, challenges, technicalities, and promises. That’s right, they’d all muse to themselves, comforting each other and doing their best to keep it together on their own, and that’s **Rule #10:** Your team is your family; take care of one another.

 

 

The next morning they circle up in the main room, all cried out and ready to start their new lives, to work together. To be a family. To be a team.

 

 

“We can do this, guys. I trust you, and from now on we’re a team.” Makoto says confidently, his voice stronger and more assertive than the others have ever heard previously. He nudges Haruka before smiling shyly at the other boys and adding “Forever.”

 

 

Nagisa cheers in child-like affirmation, his three brunet bunkmates following his lead with no hesitation. Rin throws a hand forward in invitation and everybody stacks their own on top, grinning with enthusiasm and the sudden understanding that this is what they’re in for now and that it isn’t really all that bad.

 

 

“So, a team then?” he asks happily, pink-crimson eyes scanning the group before meeting Seijuurou’s. The captain grins and nods, squeezing Rin’s hand where it hovers beneath his own.

 

 

“Forever,” he echoes, and he sees Makoto smile out of the corner of his eye. He can do this. _They_ can do this. It’s cheesy, sure, and it’s idealistic and cinematic, but why not try? Why not keep their promises? Why not be a family?

 

 

More than ten years for each of them and they all still have a lot to learn, but it’s always easier to do that with a team. And that’s what they’re going to be.

 

 

A team.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Currently at 12 Chapters, this being the prologue and chapter 12 being the epilogue! I hope you enjoy!


	2. Blue October

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s not the first time that he’s woken up to flashes of crimson dancing behind his eyelids, but it’s definitely been a while since he’s been roused from sleep by something other than that same color spattered across the walls of his dreams.

_**Chapter One: Blue October (Ten years later)**  
_

_“So, a team then?”_

* * *

 

****

 

It’s not the first time that he’s woken up to flashes of crimson dancing behind his eyelids, but it’s definitely been a while since he’s been roused from sleep by something other than that same color spattered across the walls of his dreams. It’s not often that he sees it reflected in eyes where it belongs, with wine-shaded hues rather than everywhere but, so when he wakes from his nap today, he finds himself a more well-rested than usual.

 

 

Which is odd, all things considered.

 

 

 _‘It’s almost that time of year.’_ Seijuurou thinks resignedly as he pushes himself up off the bunk, belatedly realizing that in his combat-weary state from the earlier training sessions he’d ended up crashing on the bottom bed instead of his own top one. There’s a frozen moment where he pauses, arms bent in his half-risen state and body hovering in uncertainty over the usually unoccupied bunk, resisting the powerful urge to spring up like he might get caught in someone else’s personal space.

 

 

No one uses that bed anymore. He knows that. October or not, it’s high time that he gets his act together.

 

 

Seijuurou closes his eyes for a second of concentration and stands up, grabbing his jacket off the back of the desk chair as he makes his newly-determined way to the door.

 

 

“Let’s just get this over with, okay?”

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

“Nagisa, give me back my glasses!”

 

 

The main dorm is in its typical state of disarray when Seijuurou exits his separate room, complete with the group’s resident blond-haired little shit prancing around with Ryūgazaki’s glasses. The chaos is a welcome distraction from the vague sense of distress that’s been harassing him for the past week, even if Yusokabe and Zakimari are currently going at it on MarioKart for the 3DS (both in their early twenties now and they _still_ act like they did when the team first started) and Hanamura has Nitori in a fucking _headlock_. Seriously, where _on earth_ are Tachibana and Nanase at times like these? They have authority! Or better yet, why is Ryūgazaki participating in the madness rather than dispelling it? As a vice-captain, his responsibility goes higher than that.

 

 

“You guys, seriously...would you listen to me for at _least_ five minutes...”

 

 

Okay, okay. The poor kid deserves some slack. He wants to dispel the madness too; he just...lacks the force to do so. He’s too nice and takes himself too seriously, and he’s _way_ too easy to poke fun at and back into a corner.

 

 

“Come on guys, show Ryūgazaki some respect.”

 

 

As soon as Seijuurou announces his presence to the rest of the team, the whole room falls into that manufactured type of disarray characteristic of children being caught doing something they’re not supposed to do, which is essentially what’s happening. Keiji flails and drops his console, almost kicking Touya in the head and making him fall off of the lower bunk as he ungracefully dodges his teammate’s thrashing limbs. Aiichirou lets out a high-pitched squeak when Chigusa literally tosses him backwards in her attempt at seeming innocent, and Nagisa rolls his eyes before passing Rei his glasses back, who shoves them onto his face with an air of disgruntled dignity. It’s funny really; despite the changes that have occurred in the team systems – the shift to twelve members and the new co-ed rules – it’s not really that different than it had been when they’d first began, young and more than ready to answer to their calling. The new members have grown on him, the old ones have gotten closer, and their team has surpassed all expectations of new unity despite the –  

 

 

“C-Captain Mikoshiba!” Touya squeaks from his place on the floor, half-tangled up in his bedsheets. “Captain Tachibana said you wouldn’t be out until later!”

 

 

“Shit happens, Zakimari.” Seijuurou quips cheerfully, stepping over the strewn-out contents of Nagisa’s bag and offering a hand to his brunet teammate, who gratefully accepts. “Tachibana isn’t a prophet, either. The real question is, where _is_ our favorite Captain/Vice-Captain duo?”

 

 

“Probably making out in their quarters or something.” Keiji laughs, only half-joking. “They’ve been in there a while.”

 

 

“Like you have room to talk, Keiji,” Kanna, Touya’s girlfriend, teases lightly, flopping down on her boyfriend’s bed. “What do you do with Masaya all day?”

 

 

There’s a sputtering sound from one of the upper bunks and even as Keiji bursts into laughter, the sandy brunet in question leans over the railing, face doused in a bright blush and reading glasses askew.

 

 

“Kanna, no!” Masaya stammers, absolutely mortified at his female comrade’s cheekiness. “D-Don’t be like that!”

 

 

The others can’t help but join Keiji’s laughter and Masaya frowns, throwing his book at his boyfriend’s stomach. Nagisa is hanging onto Rei like he’s some kind of support post, nearly cackling into the taller male’s jacket and Rei looks decidedly uncomfortable, but takes the treatment with a sense of long-suffering acceptance. Chigusa is giggling uncontrollably into a pillow while Kanna grins widely, pleased at the reception of her joke.

 

 

“What are you guys up to?” A voice asks and Gou sweeps in from the girl’s separate barracks, her hair still wet from her recent shower and her wine-pink eyes holding a few shades of faint confusion. Chigusa immediately goes to her friend and drags her to the group while Aiichirou attempts to explain the situation, but Seijuurou has frozen, a half-formed grin on his face, briefly panicking at the sight of maroon-crimson hair in the corner of his vision. He knows that it’s Gou, he can hear the gentle sweetness of her voice as she laughs in new unison with the rest of the team, but –

 

 

_He rolled his eyes as his teammate flopped down on his bunk, glaring in frustration and blowing some stray strands of longer hair out of his face. The picture of childish insolence, he was, fourteen years old and acting for all the world like he was seven. It was typical of him, Seijuurou decided, to just sweep into any given room with a pout on his face and a toss of his head when something had gone wrong wherever he had happened to be beforehand._

_“What now?” the sixteen year old didn’t bother to be anything beyond conversational at his teammate’s worn-out antics._

_“It’s nothing.” He skulked, and Seijuurou couldn’t help but laugh._

_“Don’t be like that. Are you alright?”_

 

 

Golden eyes blink, startled, as he feels a hand on his shoulder that jerks him out of his garbled reverie. Turning, he discovers his fellow captain standing beside him, Haruka lingering closely behind. The dark-haired male looks slightly miffed at the volume in the main dorm, but Makoto’s expression lingers on concerned for just a few beats too long before he breaks into a reassuring smile, trying to seem nonchalant but reaffirming his silent anxiety all the same. That’s the way he always comes off, Seijuurou considers as he flashes the brunet a grin of his own before shrugging off his hand and stepping further into the chaotic mess surrounding them. Makoto always tries to keep his concerns veiled, but more often than not, he’s just as transparent as the rest of them.

 

 

“Seijuurou?” the redhead turns at the sound of Makoto’s voice, biting back an unnecessarily sharp response. Damn guy is always catching him off guard with his odd timing and prying questions and his uncanny ability to read him like an open book.

 

 

“Yeah? What’s up, Tachibana?”

 

 

Despite his attempts to sound friendly and relatively unaffected by his teammate’s curiosity, Makoto’s eyebrows knit together and he backs off, waving in acquiescence and casting him one more worried glance before turning to engage in a conversation with Rei. Inwardly, Seijuurou sighs with relief. He really doesn’t have the willpower required to withstand Tachibana’s observational abilities, and quite honestly, he never has. The other captain is much better at the caring part of the game than he is, always knowing what to say and how to make it count. Seijuurou is too rough, too demanding, too much of a true captain to hold back from shaking somebody if they refuse to wrap their heads around something.

 

 

That’s not to say he isn’t good at what he does, not at all. They make the perfect joint-captain duo, balancing each other’s strengths and weaknesses and commanding an entire team through adolescence and young adulthood with great success. Makoto still believes that they are a team, no matter what they’ve faced and no matter what they’ve lost in the ten, impossibly short years between their first day here and now.

 

 

Seijuurou doesn’t doubt that they’re still a team. His only concerns are the things that try to break it.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

“Offensive, front and center! Okina, take right with Hanamura! Ryūgazaki, stick with Miyazawa, and Yusokabe, you’re with me, alright? Let’s get this done!”

 

 

The four offensives take off, red sashes bright on their upper arms. Kanna slides in beside Chigusa, yellow sash striped gray; Rei finds his place next to Motonari, the longer tails of his violet sash whipping around behind him. It’s a pretty basic maneuver in comparison to some of the other ones they’ve been doing over the past hour or so; Seijuurou, Keiji, Masaya and Chigusa in front making up the Offensive team, accompanied by a few others a couple of paces behind and the rest of the team bringing up the rear. Makoto and Haruka take the defensive coverage position in the back, guarding their team and scanning for potential threats.

 

 

Granted, it’s a tactical training session. There shouldn’t really be any threats, but a little practice never hurt anyone. Usually.

 

 

“Alright, maneuver shift.” Makoto’s voice is soft over their comm. systems in comparison to Seijuurou’s strident roar, but the rumble is still there and everyone is listening. “Trainers, stick to the center; Techs, you’re with them, Ryūgazaki on the right with Okina and Nitori on the left with Zakimari. Offensive, fan out broader in front. Hazuki, you’re in the back with me. Nanase and...Matsuoka, keep moving. You need to alternate between left and right and keep the outside covered.

 

 

The whole team shifts; Kanna easily trades back with Gou, who lingers momentarily beside Chigusa before exchanging with Haruka. Rei moves back with Kanna, positioned opposite of Ai, who despite all of his training, still has a pretty hard time keeping up with his longer-legged comrades.

 

 

“Hey guys. I’m gonna do the thing.”

 

 

Everyone collectively groans when they hear Nagisa’s voice over their headsets, the barely constrained glee in his tone more than alluding to what his next move will be.

 

 

“No, Nagisa!” Gou and Chigusa scold in tandem, even as Rei begs “Please don’t do the thing.”

 

 

Of course it doesn’t matter.

 

 

The blue-banded stealth operative hasn’t yet vacated his previous position, instead opting to loiter around and prep for his own maneuver. What’s _supposed_ to happen – as far as Nagisa is concerned – is a semi-basic stealth transfer technique involving a right shift and a backflip instead of ground travel, which should land him squarely in his proper place according to the new tactic.

 

 

What _actually_ happens is a semi-basic stealth assassination technique involving a major miscalculation on Nagisa’s part, a half-right shift, and a backflip that lands him not in his new position, but right on top of Makoto.

 

 

“ _OOF!_ ”

 

 

The captain’s exhale is overpowered by Nagisa’s literal shriek of mixed surprise and terror, and comm. systems or no, everyone can hear the sound of both their teammates hitting the synthetic training floor with a loud, ungraceful thud. Seijuurou gives the motion and the group halts, everyone turning, mixed concern passing through and being the primary emotion, although the looks on Rei’s and Gou’s faces suggest defeat and murder, respectively. The room is suddenly much quieter without the sound of boot heels hitting the floor.

 

 

“ _WHOO!_ That was _AWESOME!_ ” Nagisa abruptly pops up off the floor, throwing his hands up into the air and grinning widely at his friends. “Did ya see that?”

 

 

“Unfortunately.” Rei sighs, a hand on his forehead. “That was completely unnecessary, I hope you’re aware.”

 

 

“My God, Nagisa.” Makoto groans from the floor, propping himself up on his elbows and giving Nagisa a slightly pained, withering expression. “You’re twenty-one! You can’t just go hopping up on top of people like that anymore! Someone’s going to get hurt.”

 

 

“All the same, I hope you messed that up on purpose.” Chigusa complains, hands on her hips and shifting slightly as Haruka moves past her to assist the fallen captain. “As a fellow stealth trainee, I’m extremely embarrassed for you, Nagisa!”

 

 

The blonde’s expression gets a little sheepish and he watches Haruka help Makoto back to his feet before answering.

 

 

“It’s always good to shake things up a bit~” he acquiesces cheerfully and the team collectively rolls their eyes, although Touya and Keiji are unsurprisingly finding the situation to be more amusing than the others are. Seijuurou lets out a sigh, having flashbacks to pretty much every training session since day one of their services, oddly comforted by the fact that they haven’t changed much despite his annoyance with the repeated games. When he’d been smaller and bolder, Touya would accompany Nagisa in his crazy endeavors; now that he can’t get away with most of the more reckless things – AKA jumping on top of people – he prefers to support his old stealth partner from a distance. Keiji had been quite the instigator in his younger days too, despite Masaya’s protests and his own responsibilities as an Offensive. It had been difficult sometimes, Seijuurou recalls with fondness, for he and Masaya to keep track of their two troublemaking offensive partners. Keiji was always having fun with it and Rin would never –

 

 

“Guessing that’s the end of today’s agenda.” Masaya says resignedly, checking the timepiece feature on his visor. “We’ve been in here for at least an hour or so. Captain, what’s your take?”

 

 

Dammit, don’t choke now. Say something. Say _anything_.

 

 

“Uh.” Okay, he can work with that. “Yeah, th-that sounds good. Okay guys, um...circle up!”

 

 

The rest of the team draws together, Nagisa bounding up to his place beside Rei and Makoto easing his way in alongside Haruka. The circle is bigger with twelve people rather than eight, but it’s a good kind of bigger, the kind that reminds you of a large family or a group of old friends. It’s easy to get into, easy to go along with, easy to believe in.

 

 

“So,” Makoto starts, smiling openly at each of them in turn. “Good work today guys! Nitori, don’t think that I haven’t noticed your efforts on the field, keep it up! You’re improving fast. Hazuki, I’m not even going to comment.”

 

 

“And Hanamura, excellent tactical work earlier. You and the other girls work together really well.” Seijuurou adds, and his female teammates beam at him. “And yeah, no comment.”

 

 

“I think we’re really shaping up to be an impressive team, here. It’s taken a lot of work, and we’ve gotten through a lot...but we’re great at this, if our mission record is any indication. We’ll take it.” Makoto finishes cheerfully, giving Haruka a glance before turning to the other captain. “Anything else you want to throw in there?”

 

 

Seijuurou looks out across the group, relishing in the warm feeling blooming in his chest. He really has no idea what he would do without these idiots.

 

 

“We’re all gonna be best friends forever!” he laughs, like he’s fourteen years old all over again, throwing his arms around Makoto and Rei’s shoulders and the team goes along with him, easier than breathing.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

“Hey, Seijuurou, are you alright?”

 

 

The lamp in his room spills a warm half-light across the interior, casting shadows and highlights along the lines of the furniture and Makoto’s concerned face. The other captain is leaning on Seijuurou’s door, arms loosely crossed and eyebrows knit carefully together. He looks so worried and kind that it gets to him in a way that no one else is capable of. That would never change, probably; no matter who he got closest to, Makoto would always remain one of the most important people in his life and he would always be able to trust him.

 

 

But now there’s _this_ again, this constant _pressure_ to confess, to explain, to open up and _Goddammit_ he does _not_ want to. Makoto means well, he really does, but he doesn’t need this right now.

 

 

“I think you do.” The brunet murmurs, and of course he knows what Seijuurou is thinking. “Please talk to me. I know that you’ve been thinking about him, I can see it in your eyes, the way you move. You can’t get away from him, either.”

 

 

The redhead sighs, his head resting on top of crossed forearms, eyes squeezing shut at the allowance, at the continued, although gentle, prodding. What is he supposed to do? He can’t just tell him everything, can he? It’s been so long, six years later and he should be over this by now –

 

 

Yet he can still hear him screaming, he sees it all in his dreams and in visions that haunt his days. Makoto knows this like a fighting instinct, a feeling ingrained into his very being that he can’t ignore.

 

 

“...I see him sometimes.”

 

 

His words meet silence, but Makoto’s lack of response is done encouragingly, so he continues.

 

 

“In my head. In my dreams. I hear his voice too, all the time. It’s...gotten worse, honestly.” He admits. “I can’t get away from him. I...I miss Rin.”

 

 

“Seijuurou...” the other captain runs a hand along his shoulder, his grip steady but hesitant. “I...”

 

 

“Just let it go.” Seijuurou mutters. “I’ll be fine in the morning.”

 

 

“Are you sure?” Makoto’s voice is soft, his hand lingering on his teammate’s shoulder.

 

 

“Yeah, Makoto. Just go to bed.”

 

 

The brunet hesitates, wanting to press on, but draws back anyway, his green eyes sad. His heart aches for the other captain, as it has been for the past couple of weeks. Seijuurou has never been the same since the accident six years ago, and every following year he’s just gotten worse about it, withdrawing more with each passing October. It’s easy to tell that the others have noticed; how much they truly know must vary, but Makoto is aware that he won’t be able to keep the other captain’s secret for long.

 

 

So he goes, closing the door quietly behind him and murmuring “goodnight” on the way out.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

_“God, you’re so stiff.”_

_Seijuurou snorted in response, rolling his shoulders at Rin’s prodding and stretching out on the bed._

_“And whose fault is that?” he retorted, settling his chin on his folded arms._

_Now it was Rin’s turn to snort, putting a little too much pressure behind his fingers as he massaged his captain’s shoulders, making him hiss in discomfort._

_“Not mine.”_

_Seijuurou rolled his eyes, shifting to reach back and swat his vice-captain on the arm. It was true that it wasn’t his fault entirely – Nagisa and Touya had harassed him quite a bit during training today – but Rin’s one-on-one tactics were pretty rough and he always seemed to enjoy knocking his captain around. Still, he could only beat him up for so long before Seijuurou started returning the favor, and then they would lose track of time just pummeling each other for three hours before retiring for dinner and then to sleep. It was an easy routine, one that they didn’t always follow but found their way into if the day called for it. They’d been doing this for a couple of years now, and every time it only got easier to figure out how to pin his vice-captain down without getting kicked in the groin._

_“You’re thinking about beating me up earlier, aren’t you.” Rin teased, messing with his captain’s damp hair. “I’m warning you, next time I won’t go down so easily.”_

_“That’s what you said yesterday.” Seijuurou laughed, rolling over and batting his teammate’s hands away. “And last week, if I remember correctly. But don’t trust me on that, I can’t even remember what I had for breakfast this morning.”_

_“Fiber cereal and a protein shake. And a banana that Keiji made fun of you for eating.” Rin had a fond expression on his face as he watched him move, sitting up on the lower bunk and running his fingers through his hair again. “You ready to go to bed?”_

_“Yeah.” Seijuurou yawned and stretched theatrically, laughing again when Rin punched him lightly in the shoulder. “Alright, alright, I’m going!”_

_“You’d better get on it.” The younger male threatened jokingly, pushing his captain towards the ladder and flopping down on his bed. Seijuurou just shook his head in amusement, ascending up to his own bunk before draping himself over the sidebar and grinning down at his vice-captain._

_“You look small down there,” he teased, pulling back when Rin threw a spare pillow at him._

_“Shut up and sleep, captain. You can harass me in the morning.”_

_Seijuurou’s expression shifted to something more affectionate as he observed his younger teammate getting situated, fighting back a laugh as he cuddled obstinately with Tooth, his stuffed toy shark. So much yet so little had changed from their first night, so many years had passed, it was almost hard to believe that he was still the same person as he had been when they’d first arrived here. The kid still cried sometimes – he might be fifteen, but he was still human – and his attitude was a little too strong for most scenarios, but if there was anyone who could push through opposition and sticky situations, Seijuurou had learned that it was Rin, regardless of social grace. He trusted him with his life and was proud to call him his vice-captain. Maybe he’d tell him that sometime soon. Rin deserved that, after all._

_“Goodnight, Rin. I’ll see you in the morning.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter one! :D Now we actually have some storyline up, thank God.
> 
> This is about the pace that I want to move it, and I kind of churned this chapter out so if there are errors, don't hesitate to inform me! This really is a work in progress and it's kinda getting late XD 
> 
> As far as names go, some things have changed since the prologue. I may post a refresher list on names, and if you have any questions about the characters or classifications, don't hesitate to ask! Enjoy this! It gets better from here, I promise.


	3. This is Gonna Hurt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This can’t keep happening to him every year, these endless reels of things that he’s afraid to remember, that he doesn’t want to remember. He’d forced it all away on purpose, but it keeps coming back, it won’t leave him alone, he won’t leave him alone, his touch, his voice, his face –

 

_**Chapter Two: This is Gonna Hurt** _

 

_"Oh believe me, I can take a lot more than you would think.”_

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Seijuurou jerks awake unable to breathe, his heart racing and sweat pouring down his face. His hands are shaking where they clutch the sheets in his lap and – and –

 

 

_‘Am I...crying?’_

 

 

Sure enough, there are faint lines of dampness running down his face, a certain indication of his emotional turmoil. It’s not like he expected anything less, in hindsight; he just never anticipated that it would happen while he was sleeping. It appears that his subconscious is more aware than he would like it to be.

 

 

 _‘Goddammit.’_ He falls back onto his pillow, digging the heels of his hands into his eyes. He really can’t get away from this, can he? It’s not like last night’s chit-chat with Makoto helped anything, nor the constant reminders of _his_ presence – but it’s not like he can just pretend that someone so important never existed, can he? Shit, he’s so bad at this.

 

 

Through the wall he can hear Makoto chattering amiably with Haruka in the other captain’s quarters, and in the main dorm, Rei appears to be freaking out over something that Nagisa is doing. (Judging by the frantic nature of his demands, the vice-captain is probably attempting to get his teammate to stop flirting with him, which never works. They’re both smitten and everyone knows it.) It’s a pretty typical morning, really, habits having been formed for years and never really showing much sign of changing. Even after they received the additional members their team, the routines simply expanded to include them. It had been a relatively easy shift at the time, all things considered.

 

 

There were a couple of key things that had changed and remain changed today. The most prominent is Seijuurou’s present lack of a bunkmate. Traditionally, captains and vice-captains shared separate quarters, while the rest of the team stayed together in the main dorm. Since the expansions, they’d been mandated to adjoin an additional room for female comrades, as well as to enlarge the main dorm to accommodate eight potential members instead of four.

 

 

Haruka still stays with Makoto in their room, which makes sense. Seijuurou clearly remembers when he’d found out about their relationship a few years back. Simply put, he hadn’t been very surprised.

 

 

 _‘Actually,’_ he notes with faint amusement as he swings a leg over the side of his bed to start the climb down, _‘None of the team relationships have really been a bombshell. Touya and Kanna had been an item since before he even came here, and Keiji and Masaya got together about nine years ago and haven’t stopped being lovebirds since.’_

 

 

He stifles a shudder at the recollection, remembering all the semi-disastrous offensive training sessions where those two would often forget themselves – or, more accurately, forget that there were other people in the room – which would usually lead to a pretty intense make-out session if it wasn’t halted early on. Even now they still tended to get caught up, but since Chigusa joined the offensive team, they’ve managed to tone it down a good bit. (Even though Seijuurou swears that she really doesn’t mind that much; she’s very different from Rin, who would throw stuff at them and once even grabbed Keiji by his ponytail to pull him away –

 

 

Halfway down the ladder, he loses his footing, slamming his knee into one of the metal rungs.

 

 

“Shit!”

 

 

One room over, Makoto’s cheerful voice falters and Seijuurou curses again, although quieter this time. No need to get the other captain all worked up this early in the morning. In the main dorm, he hears Keiji complaining loudly about being starving, and Rei reprimands him for such a callous misuse of such a serious term and yeah, he just needs to get dressed and get out of this suddenly stifling room. Breakfast starts in ten minutes; he may as well accompany his team to the mess hall like a good captain should.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

The morning picks up pretty quickly once they reach the mess hall, between Keiji spilling his chocolate milk (Seriously? Chocolate milk? What is he, twelve?) all over Ai and then Rei accidentally drinking from Kanna’s cup and then proceeding to freak out about it. One would think that they would’ve gotten better at this over the years, but they haven’t. It doesn’t matter how much assassin training they go through or how many infiltration exercises they pull off without a single hitch, they’re always going to be a bunch of clumsy kids at heart.

 

 

It’s probably for the best. Better that than hardened and heartless like some of the other teams in the facility have become.

 

 

“So Touya, based on the mission strategy, do you think you’ll need to teach us any extra maneuvers?” Makoto inquires as he sits beside Haruka, eyes bright and alert. “Most of the techniques we probably already know, but it seems like some of the formations are going to require a little more practice.”

 

 

As the group trainer, it’s Touya’s job to analyze the predetermined plans of action made by the group strategists. Aside from physical therapy, the brunet specializes in teaching various techniques and is responsible for conveying the tactics developed by the strategists to the team in layman’s terms.

 

 

“Eh, not really.” The younger male laughs, smiling, always smiling. “It’s all pretty basic stuff this time. I may just have to teach Nagisa some new assassination techniques.”

 

 

“Hey!”

 

 

There’s a low rumble around the table at the group’s collective chuckle, and Rei sighs and rubs his forehead at Nagisa’s indignation.

 

 

“The last few missions have been pretty easy, anyway.” Masaya comments as he elbows Keiji in the gut for trying to sneak some of his food. “It’s almost as if...as if they’re not even really trying. Am I the only one? It’s becoming rather alarming.”

 

 

“I think it’s scary, too.” Ai confesses from behind his glass of milk, and Makoto nods in encouraging affirmation. “It’s not like an entire organization to just disappear so suddenly.”

 

 

“The recent lull in their activity is certainly worrisome.” Rei concedes.

 

 

“Eh.” Keiji shrugs, much to his boyfriend’s surprise. “Maybe they just got bored with killing people all the time. Or dropped dead from a severe case of jackass, I don’t know.”

 

 

“Personally, I’m really concerned. They may be biding their time.” Makoto adds, eyebrows furrowing in Haruka’s direction, who nods vaguely.

 

 

“Captain, what do you think?” Gou inquires, folding her hands beneath her chin. “Should we be on our guard?”

 

 

But Seijuurou isn’t listening. He’s drifting, mulling over last night’s dream, which should’ve been nothing special – it’s pretty much already half-forgotten – but he’s never had one that so clearly mirrored his true memories. He can’t understand –

 

 

“Seijuurou?”

 

 

“Yeah?” The redhead blinks, looking at Gou with wide, unfocused eyes. “Wait, what?”

 

 

The girl’s eyebrows furrow, and she reaches out across the table to him in a gesture of connection, trying to ground him again. She can’t be the only one who’s noticed his strange behaviorisms without any visible explanation around this time of year –

 

 

Seijuurou stands abruptly, turning and striding out the double doors of the mess hall without so much as an indication to his destination or a backwards glance.

 

 

“Captain?” Gou starts to call after him, but stops when she notices Makoto shaking his head. “What do you mean?”

 

 

“He just needs to be alone.” The other captain says softly, watching the door as it swings shut behind Seijuurou’s retreat. “He’s been pretty stressed lately. He’ll come around.”

 

 

The red-haired girl’s eyebrows furrow in concern as she follows his line of sight.

 

 

“I hope so.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

The training room is probably one of his favorite places, especially nowadays. When no one else is using it, it’s pleasantly easy to immerse oneself and just roll with the metaphorical punches. Seijuurou needs the sheer monotony and repetitiveness now more than ever, because this is the kind of thing that keeps him sane, keeps him calm, keeps him from breaking down in front of his team and panicking whenever certain people come too close.

 

 

Despite his best intentions, he’s _terrified_ of Gou Matsuoka. He can’t help it. She’s younger, kinder, infinitely more capable of keeping herself together, but every time Seijuurou looks at her he sees _him_ and he just can’t.

 

 

And then Rei. Rei, Rei, Rei. The kid is a genius, all theory and applications, a brilliant strategist and an unstoppable tech specialist but he tries too hard and so did Rin and that’s exactly what got him-

 

 

Yeah. He takes a deep, steadying breath, eyes closing briefly before opening again with renewed determination. As Seijuurou’s newer vice-captain, Rei just needs to stop trying to live up to whatever he thinks the old vice-captain was and start being himself. Which he is, most times, but more often around the others than around his own captain. It shouldn’t be like this.

 

 

_It shouldn’t be like this._

 

 

Seijuurou growls and finishes wrapping his hands up, flexing his fingers to test their mobility and nodding to himself with some satisfaction as he positions himself in front of his punching bag. Masaya had taught him how to wrap them correctly; early in their time as teammates, the tech specialist had taken him aside one day during Offensive training and quietly coached him through the proper techniques of it. Seijuurou can still hear the little mantras and reminders in his head when he does it to this day-

 

 

_He was laughing, leaning slightly against his punching bag for support, one bandaged hand up in front of his mouth to try and stifle the inappropriately timed sound._

 

 

Seijuurou freezes, one fist still cocked back for the strike, his next breath constricting painfully in his chest. Without even realizing his eyes have immediately gone to the red striped bag on his right, heart pounding in a way that has very little to do with his training.

 

 

Nothing.

 

 

The punching bag remains isolated, hanging forlorn and long unused from the ceiling. The space is empty. No one is there.

 

 

 _‘He’s not here.’_ Seijuurou thinks firmly, slamming his fist into his own bag with renewed ferocity. _‘Not here. Not even close.’_ He goes through a few more techniques, ducking smoothly under an imaginary foe before lashing out with a sharp jab and a loaded roundhouse kick –

 

 

_“Pass me a towel, would you?” he called from the bench, bare arms shining with sweat and bangs sticking insistently to his forehead. “And what are you doing over there, anyway? Aren’t you supposed to be my spotter?”_

 

 

He hits the bag at an awkward angle, a swift jolt of discomfort shooting up his leg. Frustrated, he resumes his position, glaring decisively straight ahead.

 

 

 _'Not here.’_ He insists, closing his eyes to focus his concentration. _‘Not here, not here, not here.’_

 

 

Seijuurou moves suddenly, feet switching as he strikes out with his left, blocking imaginary blows with his right. He draws back, ducking and hopping once to the side, training shoes squeaking in the quiet of the room. Left. Right. Left-right-up. _Switch_. Front kick. Jab, then a reverse punch. _Switch_. Repeat. It’s all rhythmic, a patterned moment of peace, and he jumps back, twisting his body to unload a long-perfected spin-kick –

 

 

_“So we’ve got physical therapy tomorrow with Touya.” He checked off, shifting slightly on his less-than comfortable “seat” and crossing his legs. “And...” he referred to the list again, slender eyebrows furrowing. “You’ve got a captain’s heart-to-heart with Makoto.”_

 

 

_“That’s terrific.” Seijuurou groused, sweat running down his face as he struggled to finish his last set of pushups with the additional weight. “Now Matsuoka, could you please get offa me?”_

 

 

Seijuurou overcompensates and loses his balance, tumbling to the floor with an ungraceful thud and then just sits there for a moment, staring at the wall opposite from him, trying and failing to calm himself down. What has gotten into him? Training is supposed to clear his head! It shouldn’t be this hard...

 

 

With a soft grunt of exertion, he pushes himself back onto his feet, taking a defensive stance against the enemy he’s trying to construct in his mind. He always tries to keep solo training interesting, often developing various imaginary enemies to suit his mood. Yesterday it was a larger foe, someone that he had to strike numerous times before he deemed him defeated. Last week he recalls pitting himself against an assassin, forcing himself through various maneuvers to avoid her lightning-fast blade.

 

 

An image pops up unbidden, one that he knows he’s seen before but can’t quite place it. Short, dark hair, deadly form, twin swords sweeping out as lethal extensions and barely missing a vital spot –

 

 

_– a desperate cry, a flying jump, he felt himself get knocked to the ground, someone standing over him, defending him, red eyes alight with fierce determination as he raised his weapon against their advancing, dark-haired foe –_

 

 

_**“No!”** _

 

 

Seijuurou jerks back as though struck, shouting into the empty confines of the training room. Hands shaking, arms limp at his sides, he collapses to his knees, all the fight knocked out of him in one fell swoop. The memories are coming faster now, just as insistent as ever but right now he can’t fight them off, can’t shut his eyes and shake his head and throw them away.

 

 

_He twisted his body in midair, landing the signature flip perfectly in position beside his captain. He grinned widely, sharp teeth showing, and Seijuurou could see his bright eyes behind his visor._

 

 

“Go away!” he hisses, bandaged hands gripping the sides of his head as he struggles to overcome the onslaught. “Go away...”

 

 

Shaking, he tries to stand, one trembling arm braced against the floor for support. If he can get back to where the others are clustered – most likely the rec hall or the dorms – this should stop. Even if it doesn’t, it’ll at least lessen in the presence of his team. Maybe he can talk to Makoto or Keiji –

 

 

_In the blink of an eye, he had put himself between Seijuurou and the oncoming attacker, sword out and a wicked grin on his face._

 

 

_“Still need me to watch your back, captain?” he teased, parrying a blow with relative ease. “That could’ve hurt!”_

 

 

_“Shut up and focus, Matsuoka!” Seijuurou snapped, and they switched positions on silent command, the older male punching one opponent in the face and the younger cutting down an approaching swordfighter. “I swear, you don’t run your mouth like this in practice!”_

 

 

_“It’s all in the thrill,” Rin laughed. “Get on my level already!”_

 

 

His shaking knees give out and he hits the ground again, a strangled cry tearing its way out of his throat. In desperation, he squeezes his eyes shut, fingers winding tightly into his hair as he grits his teeth in mixed anguish and aggravation. Why won’t this go away? _Why won’t this go away?_ This can’t keep happening to him every year, these endless reels of things that he’s afraid to remember, that he doesn’t _want_ to remember. He’d forced it all away on purpose, but it keeps coming back, it won’t leave him alone, _he_ won’t leave him alone, his touch, his voice, his face –

 

 

_“Rin! He has the knife!” Haruka’s piercing shriek rang through the air, but the call was too late. He was caught off guard, their opponent saw his chance, and Rin went down with only a soft grunt of surprise, hitting the floor with an unceremonious thud._

 

 

_“Rin!” Seijuurou screamed, unable to move from where he was deadlocked with another enemy. “ **Rin!”**_

 

 

Gasping, he curls forward over his bent legs, body folded in half as he tries desperately to block out the images.

 

 

_His vice-captain smiled up at him, warm and genuine, placing an uncharacteristically gentle hand over his own._

 

 

_“Hey.” Rin said softly, holding his gaze. “Thank you. I mean it. If you hadn’t done what you did...I wouldn’t have made it out of there alive. I owe you my life.”_

 

 

_"You don’t owe me anything.” Seijuurou vowed, but he smiled back all the same, covering Rin’s hand with his free one, careful not to disturb the IV tubes in the younger male’s wrist. “And I would do it again. Gladly.”_

 

 

_Rin’s voice was tremulous when he finally responded, head bent low to hide the tears gathering in the corners of his eyes._

 

 

_“Thank you.”_

 

 

A dry, agonized sob echoes out in the room.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Makoto, to be frank, is really fucking worried.

 

 

It’s been a few hours since breakfast ended and he hasn’t seen the other captain since. Normally, one couldn’t get rid of Seijuurou; he was always around, ready to get on with training and to just hang out because that’s the way he rolled. He was great with people, good friends with all of them, and he definitely didn’t disappear to train for hours on end without any sign of stopping. That had been Rin’s thing, when he was still here. Seijuurou was usually much more responsible, much more aware and capable of handling his personal issues without broadcasting his difficulties to the rest of the team.

 

 

But, then again, it _is_ October. His behavior has been off this whole month, and it certainly isn’t a secret. How much the newer members know is something that he isn’t sure of – even his own understanding of the situation has a few too many gaps in it – but the fact still stands that the team needs both captains to function properly and Seijuurou has been gradually and consistently getting stranger as the infamous date draws steadily closer.

 

 

_‘The day we lost Rin...’_

 

 

It’s rough to think about, even now. He doesn’t know the details – Seijuurou has never told him the whole story, not even after six years of periodically coping with it – and, honestly, he’s afraid to ask. The other captain bottles it up so tightly during the rest of the year so that when the anniversary comes around, the pressure seems about to burst. Whatever has culminated to create such an intense case of survivor’s guilt in someone as naturally determined and lighthearted as Seijuurou must have been absolutely terrible, and Makoto fears that if the other even speaks about it with the intention of fully explaining, the pain might shut him off for good. _‘_

 

 

 _It’s strange, really.’_ He muses sadly, turning the last corner before the training room. _‘It’s as though he took on some of Rin’s persona in an attempt to cope...the secrecy, the change in demeanor, the concealment of his feelings...he used to be so open all the time. His leadership is still there, he just seems afraid of it now.’_

 

 

That’s another thing to think about, and Makoto’s lips press into a thin line as he frowns to himself.

 

 

_‘That would explain why he refuses to get any closer to Rei, or even Gou, for that matter. He doesn’t want to make the same mistake, whatever it was, with anyone who even remotely could be in Rin’s position.’_

 

 

The irony of it all is not lost on him; they lose a teammate only to gain his sister and a replacement a few months later, and if the look on Seijuurou face had been any indication, he’d already come to that conclusion the moment they walked in. That flash of recognition, his eyes screaming sheer disbelief and pain...the wound, still raw at the time, had allowed him to lay all of that bare, but now...

 

 

Now...

 

 

Makoto’s hand falters at the keypad by the training room door, his eyebrows furrowing in unhappiness. No one has managed to fully recover, that much he knows. Lapses in concentration are year-round incidents, but the month of October always presents numerous challenges. He’s seen Keiji with Masaya, just sitting in relative solemnity for long periods of time, quietly reminiscing on the past. Touya withdraws sometimes, unable to tell any of his new friends, not even his childhood sweetheart, about what’s tormenting him. Nagisa overcompensates, making it so obvious that everyone knows that something is wrong, but he never says a word either.

 

 

Haruka, already a quiet being as he is, sinks into a deep, almost impenetrable silence for the entire month. He drifts around with relative disinterest, going through the day in a robotic daze, seemingly unable to care about anything but being able to put one foot in front of the other. He stays rigid in Makoto’s embrace, barely responds to his kisses; it takes weeks to get him to return to normal.

 

 

And Makoto?

 

 

_“I’m telling you, I can do this.” He insisted, still gripping Seijuurou’s hand. “You’re in no condition to take the challenge, and someone has to lead them out of here if things go to shit. Dammit Seijuurou, you know I’m right! Let me do this!”_

 

 

_“Matsuoka.” The other captain’s voice was shaking, but his eyes were sharp and stern. “Fuck. **No**. You’ll die out there. We should wait until - ” _

 

 

_“Thanks for the show of faith.” Rin cut in bitterly, turning his gaze to Makoto in an attempt to persuade him instead. “Captain Tachibana, **please**.” _

 

 

_“Do you really think that you can do this?” he asked, mindful of the way the vice-captain’s eyebrows slanted dangerously in consternation. “Enemy challenges are - !”_

 

 

_“I know what they’re like! Don’t act like you’ve got more experience than me just ‘cause you’re a captain!” Rin’s voice went down to a growl, and he shot the whole group a fierce look. “I’ve been by your sides every time we’ve gone in, every time we’ve come out. I’ve done my duty and more. I worked my fucking ass off to get here, I know just as much as you do! Don’t treat me like a fucking kid!”_

 

 

_He took a deep breath, shooting Seijuurou a meaningful although sharp glance before turning and affixing the green-eyed captain with an intense, determined stare._

 

 

_“Please. I have to do this."_

 

 

_Makoto noticed that Rin had never let go of his captain’s hand the whole time._

 

 

_“Get out alive.”_

 

 

His forehead hits the wall and he lets out a long sigh, closing his eyes tiredly. He’s never been able to place why it has been so damn hard to let their old teammate go; maybe it’s because he doesn’t know the full story, maybe it’s because there was never a body, maybe it’s because Rin had mastered a way of getting under your skin, but whatever it is, it’s tearing all of them apart and it only seems to be getting worse each year.

 

 

If Makoto wasn’t so afraid of the supernatural, he’d say that something’s coming. Time is supposed to heal wounds, yet here they are, still fighting phantom aches and double-taking every time they see a flash of darker red. It’s not going away. By now, he needs to know why, because there has to be a reason for it. There just has to be.

 

 

A scream rings out from inside the training room.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

“I can’t stand this.” Keiji mutters. “Every damn year it’s like he’s gone and died all over again. How are we supposed to get over it if we can’t even accept the fact that he’s never coming back?”

 

 

“I don’t know,” Nagisa replies mournfully. “I’m pretty sure that it’s supposed to be easier by now.”

 

 

“I’m just tired of not being able to tell anyone.” Touya complains, flopping backwards onto his pillow. Haruka eyes his movements with apparent disinterest, but his hands are clenching slightly in the fabric of his pants.

 

 

“...What’s stopping you?” Masaya asks after a beat of silence. The other brunet rolls sideways to face him, disbelief etched into his features.

 

 

“You don’t know?”

 

 

"I know plenty,” the older male defends, looking away. “All the same...I feel like the rest of them deserve to know.”

 

 

“It’s not our place.” Nagisa says gloomily. “Besides, how do you think they’d feel if we told them? What about Rei? What about Gou?”

 

 

The guilt in the room is absolutely palpable and Touya buries his face in the crook of his arm, letting out a long, exhausted sigh. Masaya echoes the exhalation with about half the drama, softer at the edges but no less worn down.

 

 

“Does anyone actually know what happened?” Keiji’s voice is soft, almost imperceptible. “Does Makoto even know?”

 

 

"No.” Nagisa shakes his head sadly. “We all got split up, remember? By the time we’d gotten there...”

 

 

“...Kastral had already gone and Rin was already...he...” Masaya chokes up, pressing a hand over his mouth.

 

 

“That damn bastard, Kastral.” Keiji growls as he tugs his boyfriend close and the lighter brunet rests his head against the larger male’s broad shoulder. “Fucking underhanded tactics...I hope he burns in hell for the rest of his existence.”

 

 

“We all do.” Haruka finally says in a low, quiet voice, and the room falls into silence again.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

_Collapsed on the floor, Seijuurou could hardly breathe, every rush of air hindered by the restraints around his body. He didn’t recognize the man standing above him, nor the one hovering possessively over Makoto, but he could easily pick out a voice – Kastral’s, the bastard – over the buzzing in his ears. The details concerning this situation were fuzzy, such as how he’d gotten here, why Makoto was here too, and where the others were, but that was far beyond him now. What mattered at this instant was not dying like the enemy wanted him to._

 

 

_“How long before they’ll show up, do you think?” Kastral sounded bored, like dangling peoples’ lives in the balance was something that he did everyday and in hindsight, he probably did. “Your precious little dream team certainly won’t let you two go without a fight.”_

 

 

_“Save it.” Makoto gasped out, breathless but angry. “They’ll waste no time with you.”_

 

 

_“I beg to differ, my dear Captain Tachibana.” The dark-haired man sneered, and Seijuurou could hear him pacing around on one of the upper catwalks. “Once they discover where you two are being kept, nothing will stop them from getting in here. Your prized vice-captains will see to that, certainly.”_

 

 

_The red-haired captain twitched from his place on the floor, trying to shift so that he could see Kastral as the man spoke, unable to gauge the full scope of his insinuation._

 

 

_“What exactly are you implying, you piece of shit?” he snarled. “There’s a clear distinction between –”_

 

 

_“If that’s what you think, I’ll let you dream, then.” Kastral cut in, waving off the demand. “Now, get them both up.”_

 

 

_The last statement was directed at his own subordinates, who roughly hoisted both captains off the floor, all-too unmindful of their wounds. Makoto hissed in pain as he was jostled and Seijuurou only just managed to choke back a warning growl as he was forced to put weight on his injured leg._

 

 

“Seijuurou?”

 

 

_Makoto sounded frightened, and rightfully so. Most likely, this was it. They were going to die here. He was just about to speak when the door blocking the entryway behind them blew off of its metal hinges and tumbled into the room with a thunderous crash._

 

 

_“Captain!” Rin looked positively wild, desperate intent affixed onto Seijuurou as he burst into the space confining them, only to stop short with a brief expression of shock when he realized that the floor dropped off to several stories below. Across the divide, Kastral began laughing. It was a harsh and unpleasant sound._

 

 

_“What did I tell you?” he sneered, gesturing to the group gathering at the opposite edge. “Of course they’d come for you! Now whose idea was this little escapade, hmm? Matsuoka, you couldn’t possibly be so obvious.”_

 

 

_The vice-captain’s face colored with fury and he let out a wordless sound of frustration._

 

 

_“Matsuoka, composure!” Seijuurou couldn’t help himself, even if the look that Rin shot him was positively incredulous. “Remember our training exercises!”_

 

 

“Seijuurou!” _He’s lost. He’s in pain and he’s out of his mind and he’s so goddamn lost, he can’t think straight, can’t see straight, can’t get it together because he doesn’t know where he is._

 

 

“Seijuurou, can you hear me? It’s okay! Ssh, look at me, you’re alright!”

 

 

_There are hands at his shoulders, touching his face, gripping him tightly and grounding him, bringing him back. He needs to hear that voice again because it’s different from the screams ringing in his ears, it doesn’t sound like the painfully familiar words murmuring just beneath the surface._

 

 

“Seijuurou. Wake up.”

 

 

His eyes open and he’s gasping desperately, clinging to whatever’s been holding him like it’s the last thing keeping him sane and, in a sense, it is. Before too long he realizes that it’s Makoto; it isn’t much longer before he registers that he literally is clinging to the other captain, face buried in his broad shoulder and arms wrapped around his torso, hanging on for dear life. Being the kind-hearted, understanding, and just generally concerned person that he is, Makoto just lets him, one hand on Seijuurou’s back to reassure him that he’s not going to fade away and leave him to his torturous memories.

 

 

“Just breathe. That’s all you need to do right now, ssh...there we go. In and out, you know what you’re doing. You’re okay. You’re okay.”

 

 

Seijuurou nods but he doesn’t feel it – if anything, he just grips him tighter and sobs, shaking and gasping and trying to ignore the screaming in his head.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Makoto breathes a sigh of relief when he finds the dorm rooms empty; it seems as though Rei and Haruka took the initiative to lead the team through some training exercises regardless of their captains’ presences, and for that he counts himself lucky. Explaining Seijuurou’s current state to the others, especially to the newer members, would not have been an easy feat, considering that getting the half-delirious captain to the dorms had been an ordeal in itself.

 

 

“Seijuurou, you alright?” he murmurs, but the redhead doesn’t respond – not to him, anyway. Seijuurou is pretty much beyond himself right now, mostly silent except for pained noises in the back of his throat and quiet words intended for someone else who can’t hear him anymore.

 

 

Makoto frowns as he half-walks, half-carries the other captain to his quarters, carefully sitting him on the edge of the bottom bunk. Seijuurou actually reacts to this, startling a little and glancing around the room with a vaguely alarmed expression on his face.

 

 

“Makoto?”

 

 

“You’re alright.” The brunet says gently, undoing the wraps around the other captain’s hands and carefully untying the laces on his boots. “You...over-trained. You need some sleep.” Even before he finishes speaking, Seijuurou is already shaking his head, hands jerking away from Makoto’s and clenching against his legs.

 

 

“Can’t sleep.” He mutters fervently, refusing to look the other captain in the eye. “Can’t sleep or I see him. I hear him. He _talks_ to me Makoto, he _talks to me_. I feel his hands on me at night and if I try to sleep the dreams come and then he’s _screaming_ , I see him _die_ , Makoto, over and over and in all these ways that never happened but then it _always_ does the way it _actually_ happened and I just-I just-I – !”

 

 

“ _Seijuurou!_ ” Makoto breaks in, grabbing the redhead by the shoulders and physically shaking him, forcing him to snap out of it, forcing him to look at him. “Listen to yourself for a second. Is this really what you need right now? Take a deep breath, look at me. I know there’s more to this, but it certainly doesn’t help that you’re absolutely _exhausted_ right now. You need. To sleep. _Please_. We’ll talk about this in the morning, okay? Just do this for me.”

 

 

Seijuurou stares at him for a good thirty seconds, golden eyes wide and wounded before his expression clears and a kind of horrified understanding dawns on his face.

 

 

“I spaced out again, didn’t I.” It isn’t a question. Makoto nods, relieved to see some semblance of normalcy in his teammate again.

 

 

“Spaced out being the operative phrase,” the brunet offers weakly, but Seijuurou just toes his boots off and starts to work on shrugging out of his jacket. “But you know, this kind of thing is good, usually. Maybe now you can – ”

 

 

The other captain practically kills himself in a seemingly sudden effort to distance himself from the lower bunk he’s been sitting on, making a choked sound of alarm as he stumbles away and grips the desk on the opposite side for support.

 

 

“ – open up to the real issue at hand here.” Makoto finishes, looking at Seijuurou in utter bewilderment. “Seijuurou?”

 

 

“...It’s nothing.” The other captain manages after a rather tremulous steadying breath, one hand moving up to massage his forehead as he gives the lower bunk another frightened glance. “I just...yeah. You’re right. I need to sleep. I’ll see you tomorrow?”

 

 

Despite his concerns, the dismissal is clear, and Makoto lets out a long sigh before standing and leaving the room, murmuring a stifled “goodnight” as he goes. The main dorm is still empty when he returns, but a few soft sounds emitting from his own quarters let him know that he isn’t alone.

 

 

“...Haru?” His vice-captain glances up from the paperwork at his desk, blue eyes flat and expression carefully removed; Makoto can tell that he’s been listening.

 

 

“Makoto.”

 

 

The brunet ducks into the room, one hand rubbing the back of his neck and an exhausted sigh escaping his lungs. He doesn’t even bother to follow some roundabout tangent concerning lies and half-truths; there’s been enough of that already, and if there’s anyone that he can always be honest with, it’s Haruka.

 

 

“How much of that did you put together?” the captain asks tiredly, sitting down heavily on the bottom bunk. The dark-haired male doesn’t answer immediately, instead opting to shuffle the papers around a bit first before leaving them on the desk in a neat stack and making his way over to sit on the bed beside Makoto.

 

 

“Enough.” He supplies in a measured tone, shoulders slightly tense under his dark T-shirt. “...he’s upset.”

 

 

“He’s falling apart,” Makoto laments quietly, hunching over and covering his face with his hands. “I don’t know what to do anymore. Nothing I say is enough, nothing gets through to him...Haruka, what are we supposed to do?”

 

 

The other doesn’t answer for a long while, instead opting to simply settle a little closer and push his shoulder against Makoto’s in a silent, comforting gesture. It’s so much more than the brunet has seen from him in these past weeks that he almost chokes up at the motion, one hand moving to carefully hold onto Haruka’s own.

 

 

“...Whatever we can.” Is all the vice-captain can offer quietly in answer, and really, that’s all there is left.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

_“Akane, are you in place?”_

 

 

A shaded figure steals along the perimeter of the compound, a tinted visor over his eyes and a cloth mask covering his nose and mouth.

 

 

"Just a moment, Captain. There seem to be a few more complications than were covered by the briefing.” Pausing to adjust his earpiece, the figure ducks behind a corner, gauging the extra time it will take to get past the facility’s additional defenses. The architectural barriers shouldn’t be a problem...the most difficult part will be...

 

 

_“Just remember, you can’t let them see you until you’re on the inside, is that clear?”_

 

 

“Of course, Captain.” He replies, giving his surroundings one last cursory check before moving again. “What about the Front Guard?”

 

 

_“...Eh. Let them have it. Once you’re inside, it won’t matter. Can you take that?”_

 

 

Behind the mask, his lips curl back into a wicked grin, strangely sharp teeth barely hidden by the dark material covering the lower half of his face.

 

 

“Oh believe me, Captain, I can take a lot more than they would think.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *slumps over keyboard*
> 
> So for some reason this site won't let me copy/paste into RTF and I have to do it all manually, which would be fine and dandy if it wouldn't smash all my paragraphs together into one big chunk and make me separate it out...*dying whale noise*
> 
> Anyway, I finally updated! I can actually finish this one, I can feel it in my aching writer's bones...coming up soon are some fight scenes, which are going to be difficult. Hopefully things will start coming together soon.
> 
> As for the conditions of the characters, PTSD in all its forms can be very potent, especially depending on the nature of the trigger. There are just a lot of factors contributing to the mental states of everyone here, and of course, more of that will come to light in later chapters. Thanks for reading!


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